If the old adage "You are what you eat" holds true, a whole lot of people are in trouble! And, possibly even worse, there are those who allow themselves to be made part beast by agreeing to subject themselves to animal-to-human transplants.

The November issue of TALK Magazine contains an experiment with three well-known chefs and an interview with six others, both of which are quite revealing. The first three were given crackers with various condiments � cheese, tomatoes, peppers, etc. � topped with particular insects. Their verdicts:

Cockroaches: No.1 said they had a creamy, nutty flavor, but people associated them with dirt and filth, making them tough to use; No. 2 said he would prepare them Burgundy-style with garlic and butter; No. 3 said he couldn�t bring himself to try them.

Crickets: No.1 said they were "similar to the roaches"; No. 2 said he would "fry them to bring out that nice crickety flavor. They could be sprinkled over meats, like Japanese fish flakes"; No. 3 said he would "prepare them in a spice mixture, grind them very fine, and use them as a dust on fish or as an ingredient in a breadcrumb recipe."

Maggots: No. 1 said, "These tasted like sunflower seeds, only with less flavor. I thought they were kind of bland"; No. 2 called them "really disgusting," adding, "You associate them with rotten food, so I can�t imagine why you would cook with them"; No. 3 said, "They remind me of Rice Krispies � I�d mix them with chocolate and use them on a dessert."

Worms: No. 1 said, "The flavor was clean, crisp and nutty, less offensive than the other bugs. I would use them in a salad, served dry with asparagus; No. 2 said, "�I would saut� them in a nice, ripe olive oil with triple-blanched garlic and serve them over a bed of assorted colors of peeled and marinated cherry tomatoes"; No. 3 said, "Nutty yet subtle � my favorite."

On the same page, six other chefs were asked, "WHAT�S THE SCARIEST THING YOU�VE EVER EATEN?" The answers were as follows: 1. "Cod semen when I was in Japan. Awful. Disgusting, really." 2. "I once tried baby pig brain. It had a peanut-buttery consistency, sort of disgusting, although it did have an interesting flavor." 3. "In Singapore I went to a medicinal restaurant where they took my pulse, looked at my tongue, and prescribed a fried-ant pancake for starters, then a turtle jelly and deer soup, with deer unmentionables as the main ingredient. Not my finest culinary experience." 4. "Sheep eyes. They were crunchy and slimy at the same time." 5. "Turtle sake soup. The turtle was alive, and the chef cut its head off, let the blood pour into a sake glass, and then added a little sake. I told the chef I had a weak stomach that day. 6. "Fish testicles in a sushi bar in Tokyo. They looked like tiny strands of spaghetti. I just put them in my mouth, closed my eyes, and swallowed."

SO MUCH FOR "HAUTE CUISINE"!