WEB POSTED 12-08-1999

Why Grandma, what a big heart you have!

Taking up where I left off last issue, a common description of a stupid person is that he "doesn�t know what time it is". This not only applies to those dumb enough to believe that there are only 999 years in a thousand-year millennium, but also to those who are about to celebrate the birthday of Jesus Christ, whom they claim was born on December 25th, while shepherds watched their flocks grazing in the fields�in a land where no sheep are let out to graze after the month of September!

There is no time to pursue this act of Black gullibility, however, as we are being destroyed by a much more lethal condition. As a young minister, back in the late �50s and early �60s, I often took issue, from the rostrum, with a song that was quite popular in the Black Church: "SOMETIMES I FEEL LIKE A MOTHERLESS CHILD". My position, at that time, was well taken. My experience had been, in the ghettos where I grew up, that there was no shortage of mothers. It was, in fact, the mothers who were raising the children, because, in so many cases, the worthless fathers were nowhere to be found. Today, however, the old hymn seems more appropriate, because not only can many fathers not be found, but increasingly, mothers are abandoning their newborn, through death or lifestyles, leaving them to be cared for by Grandmother, affectionately called "Big Mama". Usually, this is the second generation she has raised without paternal assistance.

This trend seemed to have its beginning in circumstances which required that the Mother spend the majority of her time trying to provide the necessities of life for her family, while her own mother raised a second generation of children. Now, under the pains of stress, disappointment and insecurity, many of our modern mothers feel their children are better off with Granny, and have abandoned them for lesser pursuits. According to the Census Bureau, there is a constant increase in this family configuration. The bureau�s most recent release shows that approximately four million children in the United States live in a household headed by a grandparent, compared to three million in 1992 and two million in 1980.

A myriad of problems arise in such an unnatural situation, including the physical, mental and emotional strain of caring for children by one of advanced age�especially having already experienced the same tense struggle a generation earlier. Adding to the stress, say some grandparents, is the fact that, "They don�t stop letting you know that I�m not really their mother. Sometimes they don�t say it, but actions are louder than words." A representative of New York�s Department for the Aging is quoted as stating that grandparents are often ill-equipped to the current challenges of raising a child.

There are moves being made across the country to give these gallant grandparents, not just accolades, which they truly deserve, but assistance in a difficult undertaking which benefits society as a whole, in the long run.